three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
