I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
