apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
