i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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