my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So. Much. Porn.
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