The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
