My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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