I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
