I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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