You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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