Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
