Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You are a genius and a whore.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
