he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I stole a fireplace last night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
