That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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