My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
