Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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