you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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