So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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