he wants to bone in the snuggie
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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