capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
