Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
