Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
