ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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