I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Can you bring me the toilet please
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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