i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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