He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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