Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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