Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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