his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
