I'm going to jail i love you
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
