As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
