Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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