Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
