bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
