he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
