I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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