worst night to have a conscience
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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