nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
