My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
