I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just invented taco cereal.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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