O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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