I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
