Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
