A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
