1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
