how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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