you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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