I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
