from now on my penis is your penis
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
