i would punch a child for taco bell
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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